Afraid of what the future holds, I train myself to shed no tears. I have been training myself for quite some time now, I never thought I would succeed, but I’m afraid I have. Now I find that future tears have solidified and rain as hail into my present, and in future I forever shall be stuck in the past where it rains sharp pellets of frozen tears.
Afraid of letting go of the tenuous hold on sanity afraid to mourn to grieve a future loss that I know for sure will happen, afraid of losing you, I wander, I have nowhere to go, I wander scared and lonely and I start at the slightest sound, the smallest irritant draws ferociousness out of me, my temper is a red hot molten flower which vaporises anything in its vicinity.
I look in the mirror and draw out hatred for the tired sallowness of my skin, the stretch marks on my thighs and I shift the blame onto them, I must believe it is because of them that I cannot have you.
My sadness is a pot of raging fire that I carry in my heart, sealed in its secret chambers, I’m afraid to take it outside, if I do the heat will consume my entire universe and several lives will perish.
The water I drink is blood, I have been darkened by darkness, my sky is filled with locusts of torn memories and the fear of your power over my soul and the hate I have for the wailing anguish in my heart.
There is fire in my bones, I am desolate, I have no strength, I faint as I walk. I weep in the night, I have sinned, I have loved you with my mind, body and spirit, you possess all three, my skin is tattooed with your love your lust your touch, I shall sin again, for My Lord, you are my one true love.
My hands hurt maul helpless innocence, my hands have a life of their own, they are the hands of the devil I have locked up inside. Claw at my breastbone and let it free let me cry let me mourn let me grieve and move on.
Afraid of letting go of the tenuous hold on sanity afraid to mourn to grieve a future loss that I know for sure will happen, afraid of losing you, I wander, I have nowhere to go, I wander scared and lonely and I start at the slightest sound, the smallest irritant draws ferociousness out of me, my temper is a red hot molten flower which vaporises anything in its vicinity.
I look in the mirror and draw out hatred for the tired sallowness of my skin, the stretch marks on my thighs and I shift the blame onto them, I must believe it is because of them that I cannot have you.
My sadness is a pot of raging fire that I carry in my heart, sealed in its secret chambers, I’m afraid to take it outside, if I do the heat will consume my entire universe and several lives will perish.
The water I drink is blood, I have been darkened by darkness, my sky is filled with locusts of torn memories and the fear of your power over my soul and the hate I have for the wailing anguish in my heart.
There is fire in my bones, I am desolate, I have no strength, I faint as I walk. I weep in the night, I have sinned, I have loved you with my mind, body and spirit, you possess all three, my skin is tattooed with your love your lust your touch, I shall sin again, for My Lord, you are my one true love.
My hands hurt maul helpless innocence, my hands have a life of their own, they are the hands of the devil I have locked up inside. Claw at my breastbone and let it free let me cry let me mourn let me grieve and move on.
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