Thursday, May 22, 2008

Middle Age Limbo

I am being very judgmental here, but some people just bring out the worst in me. As I do too with some, I know. 

Internet was a marvelous introduction into my life, I was blown away by the way you could communicate with people all over the world. Just imagine, you type on a screen and some living person at the other end, in another corner of the world, a living breathing human being responds! For someone like me who shied away from intense social situations this came as a boon, it felt like I had sprouted wings. I have been kept under lock and key, my childhood and teenage years were an endless parade of chaperoning, I am not complaining about that, maybe only a teeny bit, I perfectly understand the sentiment behind all that though I do not buy it. 

Anyway, that’s an entirely different thing altogether, we are focusing on certain well… special personalities that one encounters online and my internet dalliance is by way of an introduction. 

 The very first person I spoke to was called ‘doodle’, that was his/her screen name. I do think it was a guy, I chatted with him for about 5 glorious minutes in a small café in Bangalore. I was with my boyfriend who did not approve of all these, because he was above such frivolities at that point of time, so though I had no romantic intentions whatsoever with doodle, no sort of interaction was permitted. I was adjusting and compromising at the time, so I swallowed it and suffered. Then I got to know someone called com_raine, more about him in another entry and there are also lovely people like Nish whom I have met through the net, but that is not what I am writing about now. 

Through trial and error I have found that the kind of people I am able to relate to more are older men, men who are about 15 years older than I am, at least. (Daddy issues.) They have seen the world a bit more, and my thoughts are ‘old’, they understand those better than people my age do. I am the least bit romantically inclined towards them, however men being men always assume that any woman who communicates with them or attempts to do so is a cunt and is to be fucked. Not that you can fuck online, anyway, the point is that any sort of intellectual or emotional connection is always gently nudged into the romantic territory. I have obliged too, coz first of all, there is no harm done, some old wanker wanking away in some remote corner of the world does not interest me, that he thinks of some woman who has been able to have a conversation with him as something to be wanked over just goes on to prove that he is completely pathetic. And at some level all of us are pathetic without exception. So patheticity[sic] does not put me off, I am a very forgiving person. 

What I cannot stand though, is pretension, without substance. Fucking 50 year old retards read philosophy for the first time in their adult life and discover that it’s actually a little better than pornography. And they can’t help but marvel at the beauty of it all. And they can’t stop talking about it and letting others (women) know that they read ‘big books’ now. So they throw big words around, throw the title around and suck it up like gospel. And their arguments will be peppered with quotes and original concepts that they have picked up from the said book. Half a century old rusting brain cells which were not used for anything but pleasuring the little head are electrified at the thought of philosophy that makes some sense out of all the madness. And for them to open their minds to accept these fresh air thoughts, they have to come from a heavy hardbound tome with an obscure title. 

I know this wanker who would mention the fact that he was reading On the Genealogy of Morals about a dozen times in a conversation. Who the fuck cares, loser. Reading it at 40 years of age for the first time and fucking having the nerve to be pretentious about it! One cant help but laugh and die laughing, huh!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

...and I thought you cared. but wattodo, some of us are just late-starters. i won't apologise for being pretentious ( i know i am not - not that you care), but yes i do have to say i was not trying to impress you.

oh! and i was not forty then ;)

Anonymous said...

I think I may know exactly who you mean, re: the genealogy of morals.
And anyone with intelligence enough to introspect would have deduced and shred those conclusions to pieces on their own.

But yes, it provides a lot of material for those who had nothing else to occupy their neurons - as you so well put it - to suddenly spout enough philosphy to be able to wank away.

No, you are fantastic.

Anonymous said...

Hope you had a wonderful day on the 30th....wonder why I cannot seem to forget your birthday :)

Innocent Bullet said...

Had me hooked till the end. looks like I'll come back to read more. :-)

Thanks for dropping in at my end.